It's worst when your mindset suddenly shifts from absolute neutral to the negative extreme.
I have conquered all of my addictions in life except one,eh! I always torture myself with the ongoing yo-yo effect of my addiction. The whole thing had always been unrealistic, way too heavy for my kitty and absolutely hazardous to both my mental and physical well being.
It was a casual chance that I took in life. It was an experiment for the time being, successful results may have made it permanent but it was always meant to be temporary. I somehow always believed that I could always afford it and thats why I made it a part of my lifestyle. Initially I was just trying out stuff, needless to say it was fun and thats why I never realized that I had swapped places with my prey.
Every time I try to get over this addiction I end up hurting myself more. I have never been so helpless and miserable ever in my life. I hate to give my controls away. It's like chasing mirage. The worst part is that I know that it's hazardous, way out of my league and can't be true ever but still I want to reach for the moon on a new moon!!!
The mo' I think of it, the more I curse myself for getting involved. I am paying a huge ransom for an obsolete sadomasochism. I think, I kill my self esteem every time my thoughts involve my addiction. I am better without it and it kinda feels relieved to be a free bird. I will always regret this side of incorrigible me.
In my head, two songs that are counter striking each other!
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