Initiated new communications and I am not feeling right about that. I hate to get dragged in other’s affairs yet I have fallen prey to my curiosity one more time. I hate this whole need of validations over rubbish issues. I hate the triumph of correct assessment and hate the attention drawn by the whole bragging. In the end like I always say one can fool others but can’t fool self.
The only satisfactory outcome from the whole conversation was when Udnav T commended maa’s efforts of raising a decent human being. I feel blessed with my ability of gauging people and striking an engaging conversation. I only wish that I could use my ability to bring out best in people rather than being the vent machine or confession box.
Each moment somebody or the other is washing their dirty linen in public. I don’t wish to be the witness and if I have to see it I hope that I don’t contribute in any way. I think I am at a blissful disposition with the whole self dependency mindset. I made a mistake and I shall never repeat the same. Another thing that’s bugging me is for ditching a friend’s mother. In my defense I am not in the correct mindset. I am also not comfortable with the whole out of proportion affection. This whole deal with excessive emotions compels me to judge people and relations and honestly this one failed as per my assessment. Though as per the law of quid pro quo I have given more than received. I am not very proud to buy happiness but what the hell, I am a realist and I give what’s required. I don’t put my emotions on gamble. I admit that this is selfish but this is the only and the ultimate way to survive that I have learned. I am out there, my resources and my help are accessible but that’s the end of it. I totally believe in cherishing the moment while it lasts, I never think about the molasses while enjoying the cane juice!
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